Kindred Spirit Lodge Presents
(spin off from the Blue Vixen)
(Part 1 - ongoing)
by Oisin, Jasper, Astral, & Jayling
The wind howled through the trees. Owls hooted and thunder rumbled through the heavy torrential rain. Zorroisin was soaked through and fed up listening to the constant whining from her companion...
"I'm cold, I'm wet, I'm nekkid..." on and on it went..."I'm hungry, my hairs going frizzy, where's the hotel..."
Didn't her little nagbag of cousin not realize she'd just been daringly rescued by a mighty Hero?
Actually up to her ankles in cold mud Oisin suddenly found herself mighty tired of this mighty Hero lark. It was okay when she had an adoring public, lots of groupies, and going by the adoring look in DJs eyes, a quasi religion...but up here on Troll Mountain it sort of stank.
Oisin shivered...stank of Trolls that is!!!!
Trolls...her two most unfavorite things ever. Well...Trolls...her first most unfavorite thing ever. Her second most unfavorite thing ever was meeting them!
Time for the denouement...to unmask herself and receive copious thanks from her kin for saving her skinny ass yet again!!
Whipping off her flowery mask the mighty Zorroisin turned to Jasper and grandly declared ...
"Behold...It is I....Oisin Warrior bard of Erin!"
"I knew that already."
"By that funny run you've got..."
"I do not have a funny run! I'm as graceful as a gazelle!"
"A gazelle with three legs." Jasper muttered.
Just then a particularly nasty flash of lightening illuminated the sky and the ghostly shapes of barren trees all around them. Oisin nearly jumped out of her skin. She tossed the scrap of flowery material at her cousin,
"It's your turn to be the mighty Hero...."
As she tied the mask around her head Jasper realized that it in no way shielded any part of her from the cold rain that slithered down her nekked body. Turning to her cousin she narrowed her eye's as she studied her.
It was as if lighting had struck her the thought came so quickly to her mind "why is it that every time you rescue me you always seem to have your boots on while I am always barefoot?" The question came out so fast she had no chance to censor it.
She looked accusingly at her cuz, turning she abruptly started making her way up the mountain. "We need to find a cave and get out of this weather" Jasper glanced over her shoulder spying her cousin looking around all googly eyed.
Jasper sighed; she often wondered how her cuz could come up with these brilliant plans but fail to remember the simple things. Like packing some supplies and hiding them in the woods before she made her daring rescue.
As she led them further into the thick forest the lightning lit up the sky giving her glimpses of the area around them. Jasper was sure she saw a small opening in the side of a cliff not far in the distance and lead her cousin in that direction.
As they reached the opening it was wider than she first thought. Oisin looked around nervously, "y..you don't think there are any t..trolls living in there do you?"
She quickly went through Oisin's pockets searching and finding the flint her cousin always kept on her, then Pushing the big lug out of the way Jasper bit off, "here let me check for you." Ducking her head she made her way into the cave.
Striking the flint gave her enough light to find a few small twigs and she got a small fire started. Looking around she was relieved to not find any sleeping trolls.
Gathering a couple pieces of dead wood she added it to the growing fire while calling to her cousin "it's troll free you can come in now, you big chicken," she mumbled the last part so her cousin wouldn't hear it.
She wondered if her cousin hated trolls, why suggest troll mountain, and hoped they didn't run into any kin to the troll that Oisin helped killed.
(Astral & Jayling) --
Astral stomped over to the Historian and poked in the general direction of her ample chest, "I'm blaming you for this mess. Mostly because you're the only lunatic still left in this asylum!" her eyes flashed as she continued in full enraged flow.
"As I see it you have abused EVERYBODY'S cock... You have chained that little slut up by the nipples... well, kudos there... And you have driven that unbalanced bard once more in the opposite direction of where I want her, namely the Isles of Erin!"
DJ regarded her skeptically, now that that sassy brat Jasper had been duly punished she was easily losing interest and her soft feather bed called to her...As did her own toy collection, the Wenchy Wonder or the Diddlin' Dom coming particularly to mind. She was sooooooo there....when the wizard's next words jolted her back...
"...and if I can just find them, I could maybe zap'em both back to Erin before they do any more damage to Diplomatic relations. There's bound to be a big reward from Lord Embarr of Erin if I can return her addled sister and bratty cousin..."
The words spun in DJ's head.... 'zap'em both back to Erin, zap'em both back to Erin, zap'em both back to Erin...Zap Jasper to Erin?! No no no, you ain't fucking zapping my Kindred anywhere, MissyMystic'. Jayling glanced towards the doorway as visions of their escape flashed through her mind, 'Especially since that little hooligan swiped my Staff on her nekkid run out! Sweet gods, that was presented to me for defending against the evil Varesh herself...'
"Ahemm..." she cleared her throat interrupting Astral's diatribe, "...and you say there's a big reward for this pleasure?" The Sorceress nodded. "Then lead the way!" Jay bowed, waving her palm towards the door.
Dj's mind was spinning. She would never allow her Kindred to be zapped away from their home. No way. She'd keep a watchful eye on this snarky Wizard. And she sure as hell wasn't about to let that squirt Jasper run off with her prized staff either. 'If you use it for kindling, harlot, your ass is mine!'
And so two vengeful women headed up Troll Mountain determined to hunt down the fugitive cousins. Each woman held a different dream in her heart...Astral simply to get the Bard to comply to her sister's wishes and return home to Erin, by any torturous means necessary...DJ merely wanted to find her honoured staff that Jasper had nicked and thrash her with it. Sweet simple dreams...
An hour into the climb through thunderous rain storms and Astral was sick of it. Sick of the rain, sick of vertical surfaces, sick of her whining companion...
"I'm cold, I'm wet, my hairs going frizzy..." on and on it went.
"Look," she snapped pointing above them, "there's a nice dry cave. Lets camp there and wait out the storm."
"Camp?....There's no hotel??"
Thankfully they dragged themselves into the cavern out of the unceasing rain. It was dry and smelly and in no time at all they had a small fire to ward off the cold night air. Sitting cross legged on Astral's robe they nibbled on the cheese and bread they had the foresight to fill their pockets with.
"So...what's the plan?" DJ mumbled mouth full.
Astral shrugged, "Find them, and thrash them a bit. Herd them down the mountain...thrashing them. Arrive back at the Lodge and another good thrash before suppertime. How's that sound to you?"
DJ nodded, it did indeed sound like a good plan.
About a hundred yards behind them, in the very back of the cave the firelight flickered along the rock walls. And danced over a closed eyelid on a dirt encrusted face of a sleeping mountain Troll. Finally the patterns of light seeped into his dreams...dreams of soft female voices... and female scents. The rustle of fabric against human flesh...and cheese...yes....cheese....
The eyelid popped open...it was not a dream! There were female humans in his cave. Carefully Dudley sat up scratching his sparsely haired chest. He blinked several times to get the sleep goo out of his eyes until it ran down his face past festering pimples and boils. He lurched up to his feet, stooping his eight foot frame under the sloping roof of the cave and slowly shuffled towards the fire and his visitors.
Oisin relaxed back on her heroes cloak, content she was in a Troll free area, and watched in interest as Jasper fashioned herself a sort of poncho out of leaves and thorns. She was very artful was Jasper when needs must. The Zorroisin mask looked very fetching as a bandanna in her hair.
Pity it was too stormy out to try and snare a rabbit for supper. Sighing Oisin finished the last handful of berries, her belly not at all satisfied with her evening meal.
Maybe there'll be a reward for Jasper in the morning and I can turn her in and buy a nice big breakfast? She mused to herself before guiltily catching her cousin's eye.
"You're thinking about trading me in for food aren't you? You always do that! Like the time you sold me to them vampires for wine!"
"I would never do that!" Oisin howled in protest, "And that was a very good vintage!"
Jasper snorted in derision, "I think the storms letting up. We need to make tracks before the smoke attracts unwanted attention."
She decided to bring the conversation round to more practical things than an age old argument.
"Unwanted attention?" Oisin sat up alarmed.
"Yes," Jasper stood up and pulled on her new ensemble, "What do you think?"
"Ooo, looks good on you. Greens the new black."
"So," Jasper began to smother the fire, "Where are we headed?"
"Where's this secret hideaway?"
"Oisin." Jasper's voice rose in panic, "Did you drag me halfway up Troll Mountain, the most dangerous mountain range in the area without a plan? A destination? A safe house? Food even....?"
Oisin sat crossed legged looking shamefully at the ground, "Mmm, if we went back and I traded you to the Capt'n for pancakes...we could share???"
Dudley lurched slowly forward with his rolling gait. One leg being 3 inches shorter than the other produced what he hoped was a swagger, but looked more like a determined drunkard on a yawling ship.
From the safe circle of firelight Astral saw him first. She had sat opposite her camping companion as they passed the early evening in fireside games. Speechless with pure horror her grey eyes widened in alarm as the beast lumbered up behind the unsuspecting Historian...
"...it's a horror story?" DJ guessed again. She hated this game.
Astral mutely shook her head, her frozen look of horror never altering, her shaking hand indicating the advancing danger.
"No?... Okay... a tragedy.... with... with finger pointing... accusations... a story with accusations??" DJ sighed; Jeez this game is boring, only Astral could come up with something so stupid...
"Okay..." she tried again, "pointy... something... you're trying to burst something... a balloon? An eyeball?.... Is your finger meant to be a sword?"
Still the mute horrified stare.
"How many words again?"
A rustling behind her followed by an odious stench warned DJ. Slowly she straightened her spine. Every hair on her body on end. Carefully she swiveled her head, now all too aware where the wizardís frozen terror stemmed from...right behind her!
Then she saw him, 8'2" of putrid trolldom. Caved chest, rotund belly, leathery skin all covered in gore and pestilence. His watery eyes focused on her...then down to the cheese in her hand and back again to her face. A gleaming hunger shone in his eyes, saliva hung in long cords from his mouth.
In a shower of sparks and crimson smoke Astral ran away as only astral projectors can. Dudley blinked in the billowing colours of pinks, and cerise that enfolded him, a million sparkles filled the air...along with the strong smell of beautiful cheese. His heart swelled and lifted in his chest at this wonderful magic. He knew what this was...he'd heard of it before... He locked bloodshot, pus filled eyes with the Historianís shocked gaze...
"I love you," he blurted.
Half the Posse
DJ's eyes nearly bugged out of her head at the sight of this revolting creature hulking above her. She cursed her disbelief and disgust at the swine of a traitor who abandoned her, but that immediately became overshadowed by the creepy situation she now found herself in -- alone!
Tossing the chunk of food towards the beast, DJ quickly began backing up. "Whoooa there, fella! Love ain't all it's cracked up to be!" Pointing to his hairy paw which was clutching the slimy cheese , "Now that -- yeah, there's your True Love. Food is goood -- yum yum. Women are baaaad!"
Dudley was confused. He liked both. He wanted both. The ogre lurched forward determined not to let either of his prizes go. But befuddled Dud wasn't paying attention to his size; his skull hit an overhang of stones, dazing him even more than he already was.
"See, Mr Troll? Nothing good comes from us icky females. We're bad omens!" DJ continued her backwards march to the cave entrance.
"Omens?" he bemused, "Like Omelets, sunny-side up?"
Jayling rolled her eyes. "No no no -- it's a sign of bad things to come if you get too close to one of us vile females. We're gross! Cooties will get ya!"
The historian neared the entrance of the cave grabbing her satchel from the ledge. She whipped an oblong object out and threw it at the burly creature. "There ya go, bud. That's what ya really want and need. Just sit on it whenever one of us icky women get near ya and it'll protect you from our wickedness." She nodded her head, hoping to get her point across to the obtuse ogre.
As Dudley sniffed the pliable object, DJ scurried out of the cave, beating foot like the harpies were after her.
"Noooo!" Dudley bellowed, "I looove yooou!" His words echoing throughout the valley.
Cursing like a sailor, the blonde stopped short of the treeline. "aargh! What a traitorous little bitch!" Grumbling even more, "I swear, that vanishing twat must be related to those 2 looney birds we're after..."
Continued in Part 2 - Troll Mountain!
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