Kindred Spirit Lodge Presents
Genesis
by Lady Savay
May 6th / July 16th, 2002
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(Pre-Genesis, Intro - The Returning) --
The rain wasn't bad. It was more a mist, really, and since the sun was still a candlemark from setting, the chill wasn't too bad either.
She looked up to the door and saw her new home and smiled slightly.
From this close she could smell not only the smoke from the hearthfires but fresh bread and meat cooking.
"I wonder if they'll need help in the kitchen," she sighed. "Well, I'll never know if don't ask."
She pushed slowly against the massive door and peaked her head around it's bulk.
She wasn't surprised to see many of the occupants notice her entrance instantly. A number of the warriors stood to appraise the stranger entering their home and a few went so far as to lay a hand to their sword hilts or dagger.
As she closed the door, she looked quickly around, seeing many known friendly faces and an equal amount of those she had never met. When she realized she wasn't acknowledged she remembered her hooded cloak was covering her, casting her face in shadows. She brought a slender hand to her brow and pushed the dark brown wool off to let it fall in a cowl on her shoulders.
Then she smiled.
"Eeeyah, SAVAY!", killian shouted, and in short order the young woman was being bombarded by questions and petted over as though she'd been a lost puppy found again.
She returned the happy hugs to killian, sarah, twilight, rach and dj, trying hard to find a space between to answer the questions they asked in rapid fire order. Seeing it was nearly impossible to do so, she tried to put forth a question of her own.
"Do you think I might be able to get something to drink, please? I've been traveling all day and..."
Before she could finish, dj took over and started spewing forth orders. Her sisters were apparently happy to comply and within moments, savay's wet cape was whisked from her shoulders by sarah and set to dry by the hearth, her bag had been lifted from her shoulder and was on it's way to a room upstairs with twilight who had been instructed to ready the 'teal room', killian was off to gather fresh linens and rach was halfway to the kitchen to bring food and drink to a table close to the warm fire.
As dj, finally had a moment to look at her old friend she noticed the changes and not all of them were good. That savay wasn't well, was clear.
The long golden hair was longer than before, long enough to sit on. The usual halter and short skirt was forsaken and replaced with a loose tunic and soft fawn colored trousers tucked into sturdy reddish brown boots. At least the tunic's color was the same as she always wore, a teal blue, but the garments were very dirty and ill fitting. That was most unlike the very well bred young woman.
The smokey jade of the eyes were the same, but they seemed clouded and dj couldn't tell if it was from illness or grief.
The girl was thinner too. Even though the tunic was loose and obviously not made to fit one of her height, she could see the bones of her shoulders much too clearly defined. The woman was always pale, but now the blush was gone from her cheeks and lips and dark circles were showing prominently below her eyes.
"By all the gods, woman, what has happened to you? Are you ill?"
savay could see clearly the concern on the face of her friend and knew that she had much to share with her sisters, but knew too, that it would wait. What she needed to do now was remember the good manners for which she known and put her kin at ease.
"Much has happened, friend, and there is much to speak of, but I would, if you'd permit, first greet my warrior friends and then make the acquaintance of the many new sisters you have here. I am well." Realizing that wasn't quite true, she continued. "If not just now, I will be." She tried to smile and then realized that the action was bringing her close to tears. She glanced down and took a deep breath and tried again. This time she managed to smile and it was almost convincing. Trying to reassure her warm hearted friend she grasped her hands. "I just need some rest and the warmth of my sisters and all shall be well."
She could tell dj wasn't quite convinced but she let her off the hook with another hug and whispered. "If you need to talk you know where to find me."
As she released her, the historian spoke normally and nodded toward the table nearest the main fire, "Go on with it then, but get yourself back to that table and eat as soon as you can. You need it!"
dj was not alone in her observation of the young woman. From the stairs twi saw the slight limp and noticed the slowness of her gait as did the more discerning eyes of the warriors who knew her before.
She made her halting way over to where sat Klancy7 and the Lady Allison. She bowed her head and smiled.
*********
Later in her room she realized that she must have been more weary than she thought as her head was spinning from the welcome of her old friends as well as the gracious words of those she met for the first time.
She was sore and dizzy.
Too much wine tonight, not enough rest for weeks and way too much misery for months before that.
She shook her head to try and clear it and then gave in to the need her body was screaming for. Throwing the towel to the floor and giving up on trying to dry her hair anymore than it was, she fell back on the bed and sighed, glad to finally be safe within walls, clean, well fed and among friends again.
She knew she had a lot to tell her sisters and much to explain. She was glad they would give her the time to do that once she had regained a bit of herself.
Safe.
Home.
At last.
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(Part 1 of 11 - by Lady Savay) --
It had been a full ten-day since I arrived back among my sisters at their new home, the Kindred Spirit Lodge. How very appropriate a name for the place. I'd arrived battered and weak, hungry and pale and like the good women they are, my sisters cared for me and kept their own counsel, trusting in the fact that when I felt I was ready to share my tale with them, I would.
Tonight was to be the night. The bruising was faded and the circles under my eyes nearly gone. My very thin frame was filling in again, slowly, due to the good offices of my sisters and their need to see me well.
I took one last glance in the looking glass before I made my way downstairs to tell my tale.
My deep green eyes were clear and my once pale skin was now back to it's golden hue because of the many days I was encouraged to rest in the sun on the beach.
I carefully adjusted the bodice of my best clothes. The teal blue toga showed my left shoulder bare. The large links of the copper belt met just to the right of my navel and one longer strand of links fell to lay on my thigh.
The wide copper armbands and bracelets were a gift from my Amazon friends and the heavy gold, sliver, and copper torc that lay at my throat a gift from the princess Dumaya, for whom I performed a service.
I caressed a wrinkle from the velvet fabric at my hips and followed my image to the hem, a full hands span above my legs, which were once again filling out and bruise free. My sandals were laced up to my knees and dyed the same shade as the toga.
Finally running a brush through my waist length, heavy, golden hair, I judged myself to be presenting as good an appearance as I could. I swept back both sides of my hair, secured them with my copper combs and turned to the door, steeling myself for the revelation of all I was to my sisters.
As I descended the stairs I realized the night was further gone that I thought. Most had finished the evening meal while I bathed and were sitting in small groups, sharing a drink and conversation.
It was Lord Klancy who saw me first and it was with a look alone in my direction that others attention were drawn to me.
Slowly, conversation halted and I was left alone suffering the confused but admiring gazes of my sisters. Summoning my courage, I cleared my throat and spoke.
"Sisters. I have been remiss in neglecting to share myself and my story with you. Many of you know me already, though few know about my past or how I came to be here. Many of you are new to me and I've made your acquaintance only a ten-day ago. If you will do me the service of lending me your attention, I will attempt to introduce myself to you and to share how I came to be here among you."
The many warriors present looked to each other and nodded their heads. I noticed that it was only when Xena acquiesced, that they spoke their agreement. I noticed too, that both the Warrior Princess and the lovely Amazon Queen on her lap gave me a little smile and a nod of their own. For that permission I was eternally grateful. For without telling the story of how we met, you could not know the story of me.
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(Part 2 of 11) --
I had no desire to take the stage for this performance. I would have been happy to simply stand in the dining hall and speak, but I was told to take the stage and then seats were adjusted and lighting lowered to put me in the light, while my sisters sat in the shadows expectantly.
After only a few minutes of hurried movement as the subs tended to their masters drinks or fetched the appropriate pillow or foot stool, the room quieted and I began.
"I will, with your permission, tell the story of who I am and how I began as though I were speaking of another. It distances me somewhat from the painful memories of parts of my past and, as I learned from the very talented Bard of Potadeia, it allows for me to tell more than my own story, but those I met on my way as well." I smiled my gratitude at Gabrielle where she sat on her warrior in their regular spot against the wall.
'I cannot ever hope to speak with the same grace and elegance as the Bard of whom the world knows, but I have been known to have some skill and I hope you will find my story to be at least, interesting, if not entertaining."
I began to pace slowly across the stage and became the story teller and not the story as I began my tale.
"This story begins, truly, nineteen seasons ago in a small but pretentious village several days outside of Athens named Clydis. In this small village there were only two thing thought to be of value in the known world. One was the wine for which the town was well known, and the other was the status of the inhabitants in their own eyes and the eyes of the Athenians, whom they aspired to impress at the least, if not to emulate.
The men and women, the elders and merchants lived for but one thing. That thing was to either exceed their fellow villagers in status by way of marriage or business with the many Athenian nobles who traded with or traveled though the village, or, most preferably, leave Clydis to become one of the richer merchants or nobles in Athens by marriage or appointment.
Savay's parents were a perfect example of this greed. Her father, a merchant of no particular acumen, sold textiles. He was often heard describing himself as a merchant of fine cloth and rare fabrics. It was a blatant lie. Her mother was just as puffed up and proud as her spouse. She was forever telling anyone who listened about her cousin, Althea who married the very rich and powerful Scleepus of Athens, the finest leather goods merchant in the city. To hear her tell it you would think they were as close as sisters, when in fact, she had washed her hands of her much prettier cousin as young women when Althea garnered more attention form the young men, than she did.
The one thing Savay's mother did have to be proud of was her children. She had eleven of them, all of whom seemed to be healthy and she had never lost a child at birth. The only unfortunate thing in Mera's eyes was that her eldest was a daughter, not a son. Her second child however was a boy and she was from that moment devoted to him and his four brothers exclusively.
Savay was the eldest of the children and through the good offices of her grandmother who felt little but scorn for the village and it's idea's, saved little Savay from having it's prejudices and preferences become a part of her.
Savay spent as much time as she could with the good woman. Her mother wasn't really happy with it, but at least, in her eyes she wasn't in the village stirring up trouble. Now trouble was, in Mera's eyes, doing anything at all to lower the family's status. That included being seen with the wrong family or getting her chiton dirty, so she was just as glad, since Savay seemed incapable of obeying her rules, to release her to her grandmother. After all, she was only a daughter.
Her grandmother was her father's mother. She had ended up here after she gave birth to a son and was required to either leave it with his father or leave with him. You see, the good woman was born and raised an amazon. Things might have been different if the boy's father had been alive but he had died during her pregnancy, as well as all of his family in a flash flood.
Steera was unable to leave the little boy with strangers and so she packed up, bid her sisters farewell and left to raise her son. Savay had heard her say on many occasions, if she had known what idiots she'd settled with, she would never had stayed, but it was only the fame of the local vintner that brought the greed and need to the villagers and that had only been since her first grandchild was born.
Savay knew from a very early age that she was very different from the rest of her family. She'd traveled with her parents to Athens and found nothing there worthy of her appreciation. That was the main thing that separated them from her. She didn't want what they wanted.
Steera saw that too, and spent as much time as she could teaching her granddaughter many things of which she was sure her mother would disapprove. By the time Savay was nine, she could shoot a bow, forage for food, dress out a bird or rabbit and build a fire. She learned many times that much in the next two years from the old amazon, and that would stand her in good stead, for, by her thirteenth birthday, everything would change.
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(Part 3 of 11) --
Savay paused in her tale to take a sip of the goblet killian handed her. She smiled her thanks and continued.
"On the eve of her thirteenth birthday and only two months after she started her cycles, Savay was instructed as soon as she returned from her grandmother's cabin, too bathe, dress and wait for her parents in the main room.
She did as she was bid and within a short while was joined there by both her father, Durnick and her mother, Mera. Before she could question them about the odd occurrence, a clattering of hooves and a flurry of voices was heard from the front of the house.
Her father left to let in their guests. They turned out to be a very well dressed man in his later years, a servant and two apparent slaves. She stood as did her mother. Though it was well known that Savay disdained the ideals of the village, she had however, seemed to be able to absorb the manners and courtesies required of a young woman of breeding.
The man was introduced as Vlascian, the most noble council of Athens and owner of the vast holdings south of the city which brought forth much of the wheat the city required.
Savay greeted him with a bow and the appropriate honorific, making her parents proud. She was still uncertain as to why she was there. It wasn't until her father and Vlascian sat down and began to speak that she began to understand.
They were negotiating for her hand in marriage. Savay was dumbfounded. She was by no means ready for marriage, being hardly more than a child, and most certainly not ready to be married to this man. He was older by far than her own father or even her grandmother, portly, authoritative and he ignored her totally once he looked her over.
She had never agreed with the village and her parents but she had never before spoken in opposition to their wishes in her life. She would have done so then, as she realized what was expected of her, but the moment passed as her father and the noble. shook hands and drank a toast to seal the contract. In only moments he was out the door, never having looked at her again.
She immediately inquired of her parents what was going on and they informed her they had made a magnificent marriage for her and she would be wed to the noble Vlascian at the coming full moon. She realized that was only a ten-day away and tried her utmost to impress on her parents that she wanted nothing to do with this man or his offer.
She was too young and he was too old. That's when her mother hit her.
She called her an ungrateful child and informed she would indeed marry and behave herself as a noblewoman. She was not to ever bring shame down on her family as it would interfere with her brothers chances for their futures.
She realized then that she was nothing more than a commodity to her parents and never would be. She also realized she could never go through with this. She had never openly disobeyed her parents before, but she would not do this.
That night she made her plan and with the help of her grandmother would put it in effect as soon as it was feasible.
With two days left before her wedding, she escaped through her bedroom window, ran to her grandmother's where she was given food, weapons, coin and a letter of introduction to her grandmother's tribe.
In tears she left the only parent who had ever truly loved her and headed out into the forest, guided by the light of the nearly full moon, heading toward the amazon village, more than two ten-days away. She was thirteen and on her own.
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(Part 4 of 11) --
Once again, I was forced to stop my telling of that painful time, but this time it was to turn away and compose myself. As I wiped away my tears of remembrance, I was heartened by the strong arms that held me from behind and the small cloth handed to me.
I grinned my thanks and nodded to the compassionate bard as I wiped the cool wet cloth over my eyes. Another deep breath and a pat on the back and I was ready to continue, again.
"The next few days were a nightmare for the young and inexperienced Savay. Though she was taught woodcraft and survival skills by a trained amazon, she was in reality only a child. A child who had never slept alone and the sometimes too quiet, sometimes too loud noises of the forest were strange and frightening.
Making her way as far off the road as she could while keeping it in sight was difficult. She knew her parents, and even perhaps the man to whom she was betrothed would be searching for her, left her unsafe on the highly traveled road. She went east as far from Athens as she could, on her way to the amazon tribe where her grandmother told her she would be safe.
It was on the seventh day of her journey that she ran into trouble. She'd been sleeping poorly due to her own worry of animals or brigands happening across her as she slept, and her deprivation proved her downfall.
Shortly before dusk that day she lost concentration and was drifting in her own mind when she found herself brought up short by the sounds of weapons clashing around the next large tree. She eased herself around it and saw three men engaging another with swords. The three were filthy and their weapons cheap and poorly used. The worry she felt at seeing the obvious imbalance left as she realized that the man they fought was a trained warrior. He stood two hands taller than the tallest man in her village and though young, his hair was as white as snow. She couldn't see his face at first as he fought with his back to her, but within a few more heartbeats, he had felled his last opponent.
Suddenly the sight of blood and mortal wounds registered with the girl. She felt her stomach roll and wished she weren't alone.
The warrior wiped his blade and turned. He saw her there and she saw his face for the first time. He was quite remarkably handsome. His eyes were a solid gray, he was clean shaven and had a smile full of white teeth. The dark leather he wore looked new and covered him from collar to boot. His only armor was a brass cuirass.
He began to walk toward her slowly, smiling and holding his now empty hand out to his side.
"How does a young woman find herself alone in the forest? Are you lost, little one? May I help you find your way, somehow?"
She was impressed by his manner and his concern and had just answered that she was fine and needed no aid, when he reached her.
A moment later she found herself pushed roughly up against the tree she'd hidden next to. and in heartbeats, he had her stripped and bound to it.
____****____
(Part 5 of 11) --
"The transformation from noble warrior to rapist was so fast it took a full second for the danger to register with the girl.
She began to scream.
He ignored her. She began to thrash around, He dealt her a hard blow across her cheekbone that made her eye start to swell shut.
He pulled and twisted her barely developed breasts and bit hard at them leaving bleeding holes where his teeth had been. Because he was so much taller than she was, he had to bend his knees to enter her. Before he did he spoke.
"Let's make it easy for me, eh. After all, that's what you're here for. Me."
She never saw him do it, but she felt the hard, wide, hilt of his sword as he shoved it up her virgin passage. She screamed so loud she was sure she'd ruptured her throat. The white hot pain of the invasion left her on the verge of unconsciousness.
She crawled toward the dark in her mind, but before she could get there she heard him say, "Deflowered and soiled by courtesy of Jemmin. You're number 33, bitch. Enjoy."
She was never sure of what was nightmare and what was memory after that. Moments would flash over her waking or sleeping, of the rapes of her mouth, her center and her ass.
Sometimes it was him and sometimes it was an object. Sometimes it was the burning of her own flesh she smelled or the sound of the whip as it sang through the air before it met her flesh.
Sometimes it was the piercing of her tiny nipple.
She woke next at the darkest part of the night. She hadn't any idea what night it was. The rape had gone on forever, it seemed. She would only find out later that it had been three days.
She was in agony. Her left leg had been pulled from it's socket. Her wrists and ankles were bleeding and torn from the ropes which held her. Her back was on fire as was the brand of his name burned into the base of her spine. Her teeth felt loose in her head and her head throbbed unceasingly.
She saw through her one good eye that she was still naked, and though her things had been dumped on the ground and gone through, most of them were still here.
She dragged herself over to the waterskin and found some left in it. She lay flat on the ground on her stomach.
Questioning why she even bothered as she was gong to die anyway, she maneuvered the skin near her bitten and swollen lips and slowly, as slowly as snow melting, sipped. She decided that was all she could concentrate on and she put her full attention to it, trying to drain the bag.
By full sun the next day, she had. She knew there was nothing else she could do for herself so she closed her eyes and tried to will herself to die.
____****____
(Part 6 of 11) --
Suddenly I found myself swaying on the podium and, before the floor came up to greet me, strong arms were wrapped around me and I was nestled back into a strong leather clad chest.
Xena, my friend, held me securely in her arms and the bard handed me a cup of clear water.
"Was it the memory or the rage?" The warrior whispered.
"Rage, this time. Finally, the rage."
She nodded. "Good. The healing comes next. You're on your way, Savay."
I felt much better now, and she let me go. I blew out another breath and tried to distance myself from the anger. I'll explore it more later. Alone.
I apologized to my sisters for the interruption, sipped some more water and began again.
"When the young girl woke again it was full dark, many candle marks past moon rise and this time she wasn't alone. For a few trembling heartbeats she was terrified he'd returned, until a face came into view above her."
The face was definitely female and very fine indeed. The woman was much older than she, perhaps thirty summers with short chestnut hair and kind brown eyes.
"My name is Kella. I found you here this afternoon and I've been tending to your wounds as best I can. Do you hurt anywhere in particular?"
The question made her laugh, as well as she was able.
"The better question would be, where don't I hurt?" My lips cracked open from the pull and began to bleed again.
She noticed my words were scratchy and came slowly on short puffs of air. She helped me sit up a few handspans and offered me cool tea in a cup. I could taste the healing herbs in it, and was grateful.
When she lowered me I finally realized I was laying on a fur and, swathed in bandages and covered with a light blanket. I was grateful for it all, though I couldn't say so at the time.
"You just try to rest and get well. We need to get you to my house in the morning and it's half a day away. I can care for you better there." She moved a lock of dirty hair from my eyes and asked. "What's your name, young lady?"
"Savay, good mistress. I am sorry my manners are so poor today."
She grinned and said. "Not at all, Lady Savay, you've been the very soul of graciousness."
I tried to smile but felt the herbs take hold as she faded from view.
Late the next morning we left for her home. She seated me on her mare riding side saddle and held me as I fought to stay awake enough not to fall off. After what felt like days, we arrived at her home in the small village where she practiced her trade.
Someone helped me off the horse and much later I found myself waking on a soft pallet to the smell of soup and woodsmoke.
For three phases of the moon she helped me heal and befriended me. Kella taught me her healing arts and by the time I had to leave her, I had learned much. She stocked me with what she could and arranged to have a friend, a merchant heading in my direction, give me a lift on his wagon.
It had taken a long time for me to be comfortable with men again. But this man, Bled, was older than even my former betrothed and Kella assured me he would not harm me.
Leaving was hard, and had I the option, I might have stayed.
But I needed to get to the amazons as soon as I could. For Jemmin had not only left me broken and violated, he'd left me with child as well.
____****____
(Part 7 of 11) --
As I stopped to sip a little water it suddenly occurred to me I was telling my story as myself. For the first time in nineteen seasons, I was telling what happened to me as me.
I realized then that Xena had been right all along. Once you can get past the fear and embrace the anger, the healing begins. Of course it helped that I had eventually gotten satisfaction as well.
I turned back to my patient audience.
"Bled, kind man that he was, allowed me passage with him until we entered the outer gates of Delphi. It was then that I left him with thanks, and made my way further north.
The woods the amazon tribe inhabited were only two days north of the city and grandmother had left a fine map to follow. For whatever reason, when Jemmin left me for dead, he took only my coin and food.
I had been able to repay Kella in small ways for her care by hunting small game and searching for the herbs she taught me to find. It wasn't much but she said it was enough. I think my leaving made her sadder than it did me. She'd lost her daughter, a girl who would be my age by now, to a fever that swept the village. I think she saw me as a surrogate child.
I'd hoped to be able to do something for Bled but he asked only that I cook for him each night and I was happy to do it. Cooking in many ways, has been very soothing for me all my life, and has often allowed me the way to make a living.
Without further incident I found my way into the dense forest surrounding the village of amazons. I kept my wits about enough to remember the signal for peaceful intentions when I was suddenly surrounded by three armed warriors.
Though my grandmother had told me about them, it was another thing to see them in the flesh. And there was a lot of flesh to see."
The room tittered and chuckled as I continued my narrative.
"I rendered a passable bow as I was trying hard not to fall on my knees in fear and then asked as politely as I could if I might see the queen.
The two amazons flanking me began to laugh but as tears began to fill my eyes, the masked warrior in front of me silenced them. She removed her fierce face covering and asked me my name and my business with her queen.
I told her all my grandmother said to say and that I was now in great need of sanctuary as I was soon to bear a child. I think the wise women, whom I later found was named Terna, realized what must have happened by my size and my youth. She took me to her queen.
The many tales I might tell of the wonderful amazons who let me live with them for three years are best left for another time. Suffice it to say, I learned much and they were very generous with their teaching and friendship.
My daughter was born in a timely manner and knowing nothing of childcare, she was left in the care of the women who had taken me in, the warrior Terna and her mate Jossie.
Even though I had siblings, my mother thought it necessary to leave child rearing to nurses and I had never so much as wiped a nose or changed a diaper.
As much as I might have wanted to raise a child. I knew I had neither the skill nor the maturity for it. Especially when every glance at her face showed me a white haired, gray eyed child so like her handsome father in looks, it made me tremble.
Jossie was everything a mother should be. Kind and considerate, strict but fair, jovial and sincere. She loved my daughter more than I ever could, because, no matter that she grew in my body, her very existence was the cause of my worst memories.
When I realized that I could not care for her better than Jossie, I asked that she raise my daughter as her own.
We went through the proper amazon ceremony in which I gave my child into the care of the warrior and he mate, relinquishing for all time any claim on the girl.
They named that beautiful child, Eudora, meaning honored gift, and she grew to be all that and more in their good care.
When the child was three and i was sixteen seasons, I took my leave of my friends to travel and see the world. I had no particular destination in mind, only that I needed to go and find out who I was.
For ten turns of the seasons I wandered and made my way in the world. I learned many skills and saw many lands. Some I settled in for a several seasons and others I left after only a ten-day.
Many more adventures and many friends and enemies later, in my twenty-sixth season, I retuned to Greece from Gaul and happened upon a mouth wateringly beautiful sight.
It was at that golden moment of sunset as the last rays of Apollo's chariot burnish everything in red-gold splendor that I heard the splash and followed it to the vision in the lake.
Had I realized the danger I was in, I would not have perched in that tree while the goddess bathed, but I was awash with lustful admiration and not thinking as clearly as I should, having most of my blood flow busy with hardening my nipples and swelling my vulva.
I suddenly felt a strong arm around my neck and another over my eyes and heard a honeyed voice whisper, "It isn't nice to peek if you're not invited."
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(Part 8 of 11) --
"She was, most assuredly, right. I was at once deeply remorseful for my horrendous lack of manners and at the same time, very surprised that she was able to sneak up on me while I was unaware.
In my travels I had learned many things. Some of them involved weapons and I found myself to be of a modest talent with some of them. I could shoot both long and short bow well enough to down a dove at sixty paces. I could hurl a dagger or javelin enough to immobilize an enemy at first throw. I could lift my own body weight or that of another the same weight, well enough to defeat an opponent at wrestling, and I was able to run for a full half day without tiring. Since I had competed at many games in many lands and had held my own, I knew I was able to defend myself.
That was very important to me, because I never forgot the lesson my rapist taught me, and I vowed to never again be taken against my will.
Nonetheless, the skills of which I was most proud, beyond the cooking pot or skillet, were those I had acquired in stealth and subterfuge. Being five feet, seven inches made me tall for a woman in many lands I'd visited, but far shorter than most men I might come up against. So, I had made it my business to become very skilled at not being seen or heard when I chose not to be.
That this woman not only found me concealed within the leafy cover of the tree, but also caught me unaware, spoke of skills far beyond my own.
For this, I was deeply embarrassed.
In short order we were down from the tree and the goddess left her bath to join us. But she did not dress.
I found it very difficult to make cogent conversation as she stood before me dripping and magnificent.
Her companion realized my dilemma and advised her partner to get dressed so that I could make my explanations without the distraction of all that wonderful skin staring me in the face.
As the smaller blonde lovely called her companion by name, it was then I realized upon whom I had stumbled and I felt my heart rate pick up.
"What were you doing in that tree?" Xena asked. She was dressed now in her leather battledress and her expression was grim and determined.
I'd made it a habit to never lie and so answered this most humiliating question honestly.
"Admiring you."
That got a guffaw from her partner and though she tried to hide it, the briefest of smiles from the warrior as well.
Before she could question me further, I spoke.
"I am so very sorry. It was very rude indeed. I have no excuse for it and can only beg your forgiveness, though I'll understand completely if you can't find it within to do that. Is there any way I could make it up to you?"
The warrior found my apology sincere and the bard began to feel bad for making me abase myself so. At a nod between them, they agreed to let me off the hook.
"Accepted." The warrior put out her hand. "I'm Xena and this is Gabrielle."
"Of course, I know that. Now, anyway. It's a great pleasure to meet you both. My name is Savay."
They went on to ask me about how I happened upon them and before long we began sharing stories of the places we'd all traveled to.
Gabrielle was gracious enough to ask me to share the evening meal and I insisted that I cook for them.
We got along so well that we spent several days together. I coked for every meal. It was on the second day near evening that Xena first renamed me Lady Savay. She said she had never met anyone in her travels who..."
It was at this point that I found I just couldn't say it. It was too self serving. As I stood and fidgeted, the warrior herself came to my rescue.
"I said I had never met anyone with better manners and a more honest heart. That her understanding manner and sincere feeling for people made her very noble. It was then Gabrielle said she agreed; that she was a real lady. And since then I've called her Lady Savay." She paused a moment. "She earned it."
"Thank you, my friend" I cleared my throat and continued.
"So now you can see that the title was given through no right of birth or marriage and no royal has ever bestowed it upon me, unlike our own Ladies Alison and Aria. It is only the nobility of a friend that has given me my name and now, many who know of them, know of me as Lady Savay.
It was after a long, hot, day heading south, that we spotted some serious trouble ahead.
A large group of wagons were stopped and the sound of shouting and a sudden scream was enough to propel us to the site.
We found several families being robbed by a group of evident deserters from an army. Though, what army was hard to tell as the patches that should have shown their allegiance, were torn clean from their tunics.
"You can leave now and save your skins, or you can stay and die as thieves. Your choice." Xena had worked her way behind them and Gabrielle had taken her place at her side. The economy of her speech has always impressed me.
I made my way up the nearest tree and had out my bow with a notched arrow.
The soon-to-be-dead deserters made another fatal error and began to laugh. The leader of the so called gang opened his mouth for the last time. He said.
"And who do you think you are, honey? Xena?"
"Yep." She said.
With that, the idiots felt they'd taken the last insult they were going to and the one nearest the warrior made a thrust with his sword at her.
Everything else is standard warrior battle fair. Within a very short while, as is usual when the Warrior Princess is in a mood to get on with things, the ground held seven dead deserters, including the leader, six severely wounded ones and the tracks of the three that suddenly felt they needed to be elsewhere.
The owners of the wagons were families headed back home from a wedding and were grateful beyond measure to have been saved. On further inspection we found several small children hidden beneath blankets in the wagons and we understood more clearly their gratitude.
They insisted that since we were all going the same way, they would treat us to a meal and lodging for the night, as their home was just over the next hill.
Before anything else could be said, Gabrielle accepted for us all and we were gathering up the wounded for transport to the village reeve, and stacking the dead for a pyre.
Several candlemarks later we found our way to town and were met with shouts and exclamations.
It seems the town was a trifle inbred and nearly everyone there was related to everyone else.
By moonrise we'd been fed, feted and given over an entire house for our use for as long as we stayed.
It was that night that the sounds in the bedroom next to me had me torn in two for candlemarks. On the one hand I felt the need to rush inside and stop the abuse I knew I was hearing. On the other, I wanted to rush inside and join it.
It was the next morning, when my confusion was clear to both these very insightful people that I was persuaded to talk about my feelings.
That was when, over long cups of warm spiced cider, they chose to honor me by telling me their own tale.
A tale I tell you now, with their knowledge and consent. It was meant to bring me clarity of mind and understanding, and that it did.
____****____
(Part 9 of 11) --
I realized then that what I needed and wanted, wasn't wrong. What I needed was to be among like minded people. Kindred Spirits. Somewhere to look for the one who might allow me to be myself. To find someone whom I can trust to burden with my pleasure.
They directed me to an Inn in the valley just over from here, and I made some friends there before things got rough.
But, too soon I had to leave, as word came from my amazon friends that they had need of me.
It was for that reason I could not join you as you made your new place. But the going was necessary, even if it was an agony, because Jemmin was spotted north of Delphi...and he was hunting amazons."
**********
Though I tried to control it I couldn't seem to
stop the tremor in my voice or hands. The most recent memory of my encounter
with the animal who shaped me for years, was vivid. Buy I was nearly done and
I needed this to get beyond it.
Xena said it would help.
Gabrielle likened it to lancing a festering wound. She said once you open it, the poison starts to drain. She said she had first hand experience of how keeping things hidden or buried could kill you in small ways, until you find yourself wishing for death, instead of clinging to life.
I know she spoke the truth. You could see it in her eyes.
Once again, I gathered the shards of my courage about me and began to speak.
"When I left the Inn I felt like a cripple. I was leaving behind friends who'd found reason to separate their lives, and that saddened me. I had no idea, if or when I would see them again or where I would find them, if I sought them out.
I knew too, I had no choice but to go. It wasn't that I doubted for a moment the vast skills of the amazons to track down and find Jemmin, for I know he had no skills large enough to defeat them as a group. It wasn't for this reason that I was going. They did not need my bow or my knife, but everyone in that tribe knew how he used me and left me for dead. They were aware of who was responsible for the damage, and they were determined to set it right. Most importantly, I was asked to return to help pass judgment and carry out the sentence on my abuser. And most important of all, I was asked to be there by my daughter.
In the sixteen seasons since I had relinquished her into her adoptive parents care, I had returned to the tribe four times. The last time Eudora was fifteen summers, and it was then that she confronted me with the question of her conception.
She'd always known she was not Jossie's blood child and had been told at five summers that I was her birth mother and had given her up for her greater good. It was a monument to her adoptive parents that she accepted it all with good grace. Each time when I came to visit the tribe we spoke, and I made certain to bring back a gift from wherever I had most recently journeyed. By the time she was fifteen summers we had become good friends and I was very happy with that.
She had grown to be a remarkably beautiful girl who's nature was so far different from her sire, it was like night and day. For that I was eternally grateful to the Goddess. In manner, she patterned herself after Jossie and was easy going and genuine. In skills, she had followed Tema and wore apprentice warrior leathers. In that effort she had both her father's and my meager talents to thank.
The only resemblance of me she had that I could be certain of, was her hands. Long, strong, fingers and well muscled palms, identical to my own. She was taller than I at only fifteen summers, and I knew her fathers height was responsible for that.
Finally, as the evening of my first day of my last visit beckoned, she asked if she could have a few candlemarks of my time and I told her certainly, after the evening meal.
I was worried about what she needed from me and sought out her parents as soon as I was sure she was in the baths.
I asked if they knew what she wanted from me and they confirmed my fears. She wanted the knowledge of her parentage. All of it. They had never shared that she was a product of rape and they felt sure now was the time, and I was person to tell it. They also reassured me that Eudora was a very strong, reasonable and good hearted woman who would understand what I said and didn't say without laying blame on me. They urged me to be as honest with her, as I'd always been with everyone, and told me not to worry.
"That good heart that beats in her breast comes from you, my friend. Rest assured." Tema said.
Knowing what was coming left me with poor appetite for the evening meal and finally, after a couple of fortifying glasses of good amazon wine, I left the hall to find Eudora.
She found me instead as I stepped into the night, and took my first breath of air.
____****____
(Part 10 of 11) --
"We went to her parents hut. She said they knew our talk needed to have privacy, and we had their hut for as long as we needed it. Eudora was now living with the other young women her age in a communal hut.
It took less time than I thought it would, and before a candlemark was up I had shared with her the story I have shared with you.
The tears she shed were for me, though. She left all her rage for the man who sired her. Most importantly of all, she said she understood why I had to let her go and did not blame me, in any way. I had no idea how much that would comfort me, but when she said it and slid into my arms, I felt a burden I'd carried for all of her life, gone from me.
When I left we were closer than ever, and I was so proud of her.
Then less than three moons ago I received their summons.
When I arrived at the village, Jemmin was already a prisoner. He had hooked up with some slavers and decided the extra gold for the extra danger inherent in hunting amazons was worth it. Besides, he was so sure of his own prowess it never crossed his mind he'd be captured.
When I first saw him I got hit in the gut by the raw terror of his face in the flesh again. Then, as I continued to stare at him, I realized his image in my head was the one that always overpowered me. Here, instead, was an aging warrior. His face and body bore witness to his many defeats as the scars showed. He'd just never admitted it before.
Gladly, I realized they had gagged him. I was in no mood for conversation. The other members of his band were either dead or imprisoned except for two, who'd slipped away in the fight. Scouts were attempting to track them, still. As I stood, staring at my nightmare turned flesh bound to a tall post in the center of the village, it all came back to me. Without even knowing it, I began to cry and tremble, and as I was sinking to my knees, Eudora was there. she held me and just stared at the man who raped her mother.
It was then, I think, that he got it. He was looking at a female version of himself. then he looked at me. I'm sure he could never figure out who among all his victim's I was. After all, I was child then...and I was number thirty-three on his victim list. Just one of a number.
Something broke in me and for the first time in all these years I could think of my violation and not feel just fear and pain, suddenly I was angry, really angry and I was getting angrier by the minute.
Gratefully, the drums began and the tribe assembled to hear the judgment and watch the sentence be carried out.
Queen Astes still reigned and though her hair was slivered she still had a warriors body and the dignity of her position.
Tema read the charges and then bowed, waiting for her Queen to speak. The list was long and several warriors came forth to verify the most recent charges. Then Tema recited others, who required other woman to speak in verification of them. Finally she read out the charges of assault and rape of a child, citing all the ways and times these were committed.
As per protocol, the Queen again asked. "Who here, can speak to these charges?"
"I can, Queen Astes." I said.
"Are the charges as read the full truth, Savay?"
"They are, your Majesty."
"We will speak to the oldest charges first" She said as she stood." For the crime of the rape of a child by an adult male is the most heinous crime in our nation, second only to treason, we sentence the accused to be whipped fifty strokes and then castrated by the hand of the violated.
For the crimes of theft, assault, rape of an adult woman, rape of an amazon woman and attempts to enslave the free women of amazonia, sentence is to be disembowelment. The sentence will begin today with each punishment meted out two day apart. Begin."
With that she sat again, and the guards removed the gag from Jemmin's mouth and turned him, tying him securely to the whipping post and stripping him bare. Instantly he began to rant about how we'd live to regret this and how his men would be hunting us all down. The crowd dismissed that. Then he began to describe what he was gong to do to each of them when he was free. That was a major mistake.
Instantly daggers were raised all across the village square, the sign of volunteers to wield the whip.
As they lined up to take their turn, I was not surprised to see Eudora at the head of the line. It was Tema who handed her the heavy bullwhip and then, no one objected when Tema took her place as next in line.
As the fortieth lash ended, he was still screaming out. I'd hoped he would have just shut up by now. Hearing him made me hear me. Somewhere, deep in my mind I remember doing that as he whipped me, and I had never had that memory before. It made me even angrier. Maybe it was that expression on my face, but suddenly Tema stopped the next volunteer in line and she whispered to her. She nodded and the rest of the line dissolved. She came to me and handed me the whip.
It was heavy and hot, wet with the sweat of forty palms, and it left a bloody trail on the ground. Bu the longer I held it, the stronger my arm became and before I knew it, I was wailing out my rage on the body of the animal who used me. With each stroke, they told me later, I screamed incoherently and each blow that landed cut even, one finger width deep, slashes into his skin.
By the time I landed the fiftieth lash, he was out cold and so was I.
____****____
(Conclusion) --
"The next day, I woke near mid day. I was sore everywhere, in particularly my throat and my right hand and arm. For long minutes I sat unable to remember where I was or why I felt this way...and then it all came back.
I pushed it all down and decided not to think about it. After washing and dressing, I made my way to the dining hall, and it went silent as I came in. Then, Tema, Eudora and Jossie were there, bringing me to a table and placing a plate of food on it in front of me. They spoke of little things and soon, I did too. The rest of the day was like that. A blur of the mundane and inconsequential.
The next day I castrated Jemmin."
I had to swallow down the bile that tried to leave my gut, as it began to churn again. It wasn't the memory of the bloody deed, but the memory of my joy in it, that made me sick.
They'd warned me it would happen. Both Xena and Gabrielle had told that there was difference between justice and vengeance and that if I chose to give into vengeance, I could expect it to rebound on me. They were right.
I sipped some more water and then a hearty sip of wine, and tried to finish.
"I used a hot knife they handed me and cleaved the sack just below his member. He screamed until he passed out, once again.
Then I stood with that flesh sack in my hand and crushed it.
I drank until I couldn't stand that night and no one begrudged me it. I found out later it was Eudora who carried me to my hut.
Two days later, I watched the animal die. They used a curved, serrated blade, less than hand wide to just puncture through a line of flesh and muscle, then stepped away, allowing the man's own bellow of agony to force his entrails to uncoil on the ground at his feet.
I thought he'd last longer, but it seemed the other abuses to his body only allowed him a brief glimpse at the life he was losing. He died two candlemarks later.
I left that night.
I was so inside my head, that once again, I repeated my error of my thirteenth year, and the two slavers the scouts had missed, had me before I was even aware they were there.
This time I did fight back. This time I was all over them. This time it wasn't enough to just get away, I had to take them down.
They caught me at a candlemark past sun up, and by the time the sun was high over head all of us had lost our weapons and were fighting hand to hand. But while they seemed to tire, even with their two to one advantage, my rage was strong and the adrenaline carried me. By sunset I had the last one down and I was crushing his windpipe with my legs. The other one had died earlier with a sharp stick I'd grabbed imbedded in his left ear.
By full night I was out of fight and laying on the ground with two corpses. That's when the amazon scouts found me.
They tried to insist that I come back with them to tend my wounds but I wouldn't go. Foolish, I know, but all I wanted to do was get away from the area.
I walked as long as the moon permitted, than slept curled under a tree.
Four days later I walked through that door and finally felt I was home.
I thank you for that.
I thank you for your welcome and your care.
I thank you for your patience in sitting and listening for so long to my story.
You are all my sisters, and for that, I am deeply grateful."
____****____
The End - 'Genesis' - by Lady Savay