Kindred Spirit Lodge Presents
Can We Talk
By Lord Nessa & Killian
February 1st, 2002
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(Nessa) --
Nessa stood over the blazing fire in the center of the smith shop. She held the last shoe in a pair of prongs. It was glowing red. A couple more strikes with the hammering iron and she would have it straight. Tuttle would have a new set of shoes before the day was done.
She struck evenly and on the mark. She lifted the horse shoe up to line it up properly with her trained eye. Looking through the arc of the shoe, her vision focused on tris standing in the doorway. She lay the hot metal shoe carefully on the anvil and walked toward her silent wench.
It was unlike the lass to seek out her Lord unless something was on her mind. Nessa watched swells of tears come from big hazel eyes and roll down tris' face. "What is it lass? What on earth has got you weeping?" Nessa reached the girl and turned her walking out of the hot smith shop. Stopping outside the door, the Warrior turned the girl to face her, her big hands resting on shoulders that were heaving with sobs. "Now tell me tris."
"It's killian, my Lord" tris looked up into widening gray eyes.
Alarmed, Nessa tore her apron from around her tall frame as if readying herself for a possible fight. "What's the matter? Is she hurt? Does Klancy know?"
"No, my Lord, she is not hurt." tris stopped the sobs. She turned her head toward the Lodge. "It's just that she keeps getting in trouble and nobody cares to ask her about things."
Nessa grappled with why this might have her tris in tears. She wasn't clear on the problem. "Lass, have your moons come upon you?" she asked. She knew tris got emotional over the trapping of a mouse at that time of the month.
Anger surfaced in the little wench. She shrugged away from Nessa's hands and stepped back to look at Lord Nessa. "No Warrior, I do not have my moons!" She walked in a full circle stomping and waving her hands. Her anger animated her. "Isn't that just what you would think. I can't have a thought or a feeling without some stupid logical explanation, right?"
The Celt wondered at the words stupid and logical put together but decided this was not the time for a lesson in semantics, grammar or by the looks of it, good sense. tris was fit to be tied (a thought worth pursuing at another time).
"Settle down lass!" Nessa would try to understand but the tirade would have to stop.
"Or what Warrior? You will take me in hand and whip me or something really imaginative like that? That is what you all think and do. Is it ever possible for a Warrior to just listen?" tris stopped. She suddenly realized that she might just push the wrong button and get what she didn't really want this time. Anger dissolved. She lowered her head. "I'm so sorry, my Lord."
Lord Nessa spoke after a minute of swallowing as much of this display as she could. The lass was really upset. "I cannot speak for all Warriors tris. But I can listen. Please make sense. Come on now, let's sit over by that oak over there and you can tell me." She pointed to the gnarled tree at the edge of the yard.
When they were settled on the grass tris began. "I guess what is hard, my Lord, is that I love killian so much and I watch how she suffers... no not the whippings. It's other things. She is the kindest, most wonderful person in this horrible world. I said she wasn't hurt... but she hurts plenty." She looked at Nessa's thoughtful face and decided the Warrior was listening. "do you know about Caitlin?"
Nessa drew a blank. "No, love. I don't know."
"killian loves Caitlin like I love you and she lost her somehow. She has been with the women of this lodge hoping her Warrior will find her. She cries at night Nessa. She has lots of thoughts and lots of feelings and she doesn't tell anybody." tris pulled in a deep sigh.
Nessa liked it when tris dropped the "my Lord" and called her by name. It brought the intimacy in. "Well she obviously tells you, tris."
"But she wants to protect me. She doesn't want me to think it hurts her, but I know it does. She is my big sister and she must be brave for me. But she doesn't have to be brave for you Nessa." tris added that last part as a matter of course. She held still for her Warrior's response.
"And exactly what is it I should be doing for killian?"
"Just what you are doing for me right now. Listen to her. Tell her that you know she is good and not a joke. Tell her you know she hurts inside sometimes. Ask her to talk about Caitlin."
Nessa could see how important this was to tris. The fact was, she was fond of killian as well. It was killian who took tris under her wing and taught her the ways she should be as a wench. It was killian who made the difference for tris and therefore for Nessa. It was killian who brought the light of joy to her tris's eyes after all the horror she had known in life. Yes, Nessa owed this much at least to killian.
The tall Celt lifted herself to standing and said. "I'll be looking for her now tris. And make sure you get the fire stoked good tonight. I feel a chill in the air."
tris leaped to her feet. Another jump had her wrapping her arms around Nessa's neck. She hung like that through a long, powerful kiss. Once on her feet again she looked up at her beloved Warrior and said, "Thank you my Lord Nessa."
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(Killian & Nessa) --
killian was feeling low. She wasn't able to sit down without the help of a pillow, and it embarrassed her to walk around with a pillow. gabrielle had noticed this problem at breakfast, and forced a pillow on the girl, under threat of getting Xena to make her use it. So, everywhere killian went, so went the pillow.
She had finished her work for the day, so she sat by the fire, wrapped up, with Kirby laying tucked into the chair next to her. She simply stared into the fire. She did that allot. No one seemed to notice, or mind.
At some point, killian felt someone near. She looked up to see Lord Nessa standing there, looking a little uncomfortable. Oh no, killian closed her eyes. She has come to punish me for biting her. damn. damn. Well, when it rains it pours. killian opened her eyes, and met the cool gray ones with trepidation.
"Hello, Lord Nessa. Do you wish me to serve you in some way?"
"Uh, hello killian." Nessa wasn't at all sure exactly how she should start this. She spied the lass sitting here ten minutes ago. She watched her from the edge of the room. She was pensive and sad. Nessa wondered why she never noticed that before. She reached down and laid a hand on Kirby's sleepy head in a petting gesture. "Mind if I sit with you lass?"
Killian's eyes were wide in wonder at this unexpected request. But the gray eyes held a kindness she missed before. "Uh... No, sit my Lord" Her voice sounded funny to her. She cleared her throat. "Can I bring you some tea or something?" She watched Nessa pull the large heavy throne chair over beside her as if it were a stick. She personally struggled with that damn thing every time she came to sweep.
Nessa looked down at the pillow killian sat on. She spoke as she settled into the big chair. "No, lass. Don't be getting up. I'm thinking it might be a chore to get down again." she smiled and winked at the girl. She saw the sweet face relax and then a look of puzzlement spread over it. "I just want to have a little chat is all." she explained.
The Lord leaned forward and spoke quietly. "tris came to me a while ago. She is upset that... well that you're in trouble so much. She thinks somebody ought to pay attention to ... other things about you. I mean other than whatever foolishness causes you to be laying across one Warrior lap or another." Nessa moved her gaze from killian's astonished face to the fire.
"She thought I should come and talk with you lass. The truth is... I want to talk with you." Nessa thought the lack of eye contact at this point was more comfortable for both of them. "tris loves uncommonly strong. Her love for you is first. I have her heart but you were the one who let her know she had one. You made life a very possible thing for her and she is bonded to you for that in ways that no one else can touch." Nessa looked back up at killian. "She wants me to listen to you. She knows you need that and she knows I will do it.... I want to do it. Will you let me, lass?"
The Warrior felt the discomfort that comes with unfamiliarity of such familiarity. But she held herself to it. "killian, I want to be your friend." She saw tears spilling down the wenches fair cheeks. Silence covered the space between them. Nessa looked into killian's eyes as the girl nodded.
Standing abruptly, Nessa caught the moment. "There is a boat waiting for us at the lake shore. tris has a basket of food ready. She waits for us." Her hand extended down to to the speechless wench.
killian took that proffered hand. She stood tentatively, wincing at the rub to her sore bottom as she moved. She left Kirby sleeping on the pillow. She laced her hand up around the offered arm of the Lord. Together they walked out of the Lodge arm in arm. tris was waiting.
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(killian & Nessa) --
killian felt nervous. She had Warrior friends in Lady Alison and Klancy. But Alison used to be a sub, and that is how they came to know each other. Klancy, killian had always thought, was unique among Warriors, and since she was killian's protector, the lass felt that that made Klancy more interested in getting to know her deeper. Xena and gabrielle, were different all together. They had known Caitlin, and had been friends with killian and her Warrior, before the loss of her Warrior. killian knew Xena loved her, but she did always feel like a charity case, and an annoying one at that, where Xena was concerned.
killian's mind wandered as she and Lord Nessa made their way down to the water, where young tris waited. killian smiled when she saw tris running up to greet them. tris always approached like a very enthusiastic puppy, all arms and legs and kissing. killian adored every single thing about tris, and really enjoyed how excitedly this girl showed her love.
The sky was clear of clouds, and the stars twinkled brightly above them. killian allowed herself to be led into the boat. At first she panicked because she had forgotten her pillow, but tris hadn't, and had her location decked out with a large, soft and cozy looking pillow. killian began to cry again. She just couldn't help it these days. She had so much going on in her heart, and it appeared that she was through tris, getting a new friend. A warrior of some depth, killian had judged in her time of knowing this Dark Woman. killian knew through tris of the Warrior's dark tastes, and her own battles with acceptance. tris loved this Warrior more than life itself, so as far as killian was concerned, this woman was worth listening to.
"Shall we?" Nessa spoke as she pushed the boat off from the sandy beach and out onto a calm cool lake.
The night was beautiful. Stars sparkled through the dark sky. Nessa could smell the forest around them as they drifted. It was full of magic tonight. The moon lit up the night in that bluish hue that always brought the Celt to a sense of nearness to realities beyond the veil.
Lake water slapped against the sides of the boat as the three women lay in silence looking at starry space, absorbing the beauty. Nessa looked over at killian. Her sad eyes still cried. tris was a comfort but it seemed to the Warrior that killian held to silence to protect the girl. She needed someone with strength to pour this pain into.
Nessa rocked the vessel as she pulled a blanket from the floor unfolding it with a shake. She beckoned to killian. "come here, lass" she held the blanket open, welcoming the reluctant girl. Her gray eyes gleamed back at moonlight. "C'mon, lass, my arms will fall off holding this blanket up too long."
The boat rocked as killian worked her way to the open blanket. Nessa reached and wrapped the girl close to her in a bundle. She felt the tremble running through her little friend. She held her closer, cradling her.
killian's head rested against the Warrior's shoulder. Her soft sobbing turned to heaves and wailing. She buried her face into Nessa. She cried for long minutes like that. Then the sobs waned down to silent tears again.
"I don't know this Caitlin, but she must be the best of the best." Nessa whispered low. "Keep the faith, lass. She'll be here... if she isn't already." Nessa felt a breeze come up from nowhere. It was like a gentle kiss and a reminder to believe in what we don't see.
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(killian & Nessa) --
killian snuggled down deeper into Nessa. She felt safe enough to drop the Lord part. Nessa had given her something she hadn't had since Caitlin disappeared. A snuggling warm place to be that wasn't sexual. killian loved being held almost more than anything in life. Caitlin held killian a lot. killian would shake and cry, and try to push Caitlin away, or seduce her. Caitlin would simply and firmly pull killian back into her arms, and occasionally she would sing, and she stroked hr hair.
killian began crying again in earnest. It was Nessa's arrival in their lives that triggered killian's new level of grief over her missing warrior. Something about this dark proud woman reminded her of Caitlin. killian thought of all the warriors, and how well they would get on with Caitlin. Maybe. Just Maybe, she would let herself wish.
"Nessa?" killian whispered.
"Yes, lass, what is it." Nessa brushed a lock of hair out of killian's eye, and winked over at tris, who looked positively delighted.
"Can we do this again sometime?" The moonlight hid killian's blush, but Nessa could feel it just the same.
"Yes, lass. Anytime you want."
killian shifted a bit. " Nessa?"
"Yes, killian"
"Will you still be punishing me for biting you?"
killian buried her head into Nessa's shirt trying to avoid hearing the answer."
Nessa felt the laughter rising up from her middle. She laid her head back and broke the silence of the night with great guffaws of it. She continued to hold killian close as she laughed. She managed to glance over at tris through the tears that were forming. The astonished look on the girl's face at the rare sound from her Lord, tossed the Warrior into further fits of the precious expression of emotion.
Finally after several bouts of unqualified crowing and facial contortions, Nessa settled down enough to answer the puzzled killian. "No lass, I'll not do any such thing. You have just paid in full for any harm you may have done me." Then as an afterthought, "but don't be thinking you can go too far with your pranks little one. I love to use my belt on sweet young lasses." She looked again at her beloved tris and winked.
killian gave a sigh and smiled. Nessa wasn't sure if it was relief or disappointment. "Alright then, shall we get back to the food there?" she said, pointing a finger at the basket on the bottom of the boat. "I'm starving."
killian and tris both moved to prepare the meal. They laughed together and talked about certain goings on at the Lodge as they worked. Nessa sat back in the drifting boat and listened to the two friends exchange. "What a rare night" she thought. She smiled openly. They would definitely do this again.
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The End - 'Can We Talk' - by Nessa & Killian