Kindred Spirit Lodge Presents
The Unbeddable Bard
(Xena & Gabrielle)
by Ikarias
June 13th, 2002
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Klancy7's signature line:
And the Lodge will be better
for this
That one butch, nipples noble and hard
Still strove with her last ounce of courage
To bed the unbeddable bard
Xena dropped her saddle bags on the floor and flopped on the bed. Her eye was drawn to the rolled parchment out of place in their rooms.
Odd, now where did that scroll come from? It was rolled tight, wrapped with a violet ribbon, ~ matching her eyes, ~ and nestled in a pair of antlers over the basin. Xena flipped her chakram, knocking the papyrus down and over into her other hand.
Ribbon off and she read, ohhhh myyyyy... " 'Mighty young pard?' She was of legal age when we-- humph..." She went on, chuckling, 'Bare those bazooms.' "Now that sounds like the Klancy we know and love. 'For a heavenly cause'."
Oh yeah, not to mention the other heavenly parts of the Amazon queen the WP adored. In contemplation of said heavenly parts, Xena's lips opened and she stopped herself from getting a case of the vapors, barely.
The hastily scratched out second line of the last paragraph was replaced with a quaint phrase... "So she'd rather be noble than tall?" Good point. Er, two!"
Xena decided to have a bit of fun with the bard; Gabrielle was due up any moment. She retied the ribbon, left the scroll in a corner by the door and took out a length of rope.
"Left over right, right over left: square, check. Left over right, left over right: slip, check. Under, over, under: clove, check. Circle loop, circle loop: sheep, check. Personal favorite, loop, 13 coils and in, hangmans..." Several different knots were scattered about the thighs of the WP.
Gabrielle saw the scroll in the corner. Noting the lack of dust, the 'casual' placement must be a joke by Xena.
A few minutes before, the Courtly Butch had just bowed and given her a framed and autographed sonnet of hilarious proportions, with an identical purple ribbon to hang it by. Now Xena thought to put the exact same one over on her? Not that she minded, over, under, inside... Gabrielle stopped her eyes from glazing. Oh two can play and she DID learn from the bed--er best. Bad bard!
"What's this? And why are you making knots, Xena?" Gabrielle slipped off the ribbon and pretended to read the lines for the first time.
Xena mumbled in mock ire, "Unbeddable bard...she'll wish she was celibate and neutered when I finish with her." Louder she said, "Just checking how many knots I can tie Klancy's guts into without repeating myself. Bowline, figure eight, timber."
Gabrielle hummed, and tapped her toe. "Catchy rhythm. I can really see this catching the ears of the Knossos Players. They do the best musicals. 'Nipples noble and hard'? How does Klancy do that?" She closed the door behind her, and slipped her top off.
"Dry ice," slipped out of Xena before she could stop herself. She smothered a smile and kept tying knots. "Full-hitch, half-hitch... How much do I need for a Gordian knot?" She untied two of the first knots and laid her hand down several times measuring a section of line.
"Xena you needn't be so butch, Klancy has an innocent crush on me. She'd never do anything dastardly." The bard loosened her belt and let the skirt fall. Still holding the scroll and standing by the open window, she breathed deeply, every motion guaranteed to inflame the WP. She bent, took her sais out of her boots and tossed them by the saddle bags. She didn't need any extra weight holding her down for her scheme to work.
Xena surreptitiously tugged her thumb loose from the sheet bend she had tied VERY tight seeing Gabrielle bend, and oh yeah.
"After all there's never been anyone better in my life than Iky. SNICKY! That what I meant!" Gabrielle leaned back over the window sill.
"Snicky. Iky. Klancy." The WP stood slowly, her eyes violet embers with passion. The ropes dropped unheeded. She took a step to the bard who was clad only in boots and the burgundy half-bracers.
"I think it's time to bed the unbeddable bard. Just to show you who's NOT unconquerable. Who's NOT unrightable. Take you upside down, right side up, sideways, backwards."
Gabrielle put a leg over the window sill, "Now Xena--"
"And finish the quest by ravishing!" Xena lunged, holding back just the tiniest bit.
The bard leapt out the window and ran like a hundred harpies were after her, or one extremely frisky WP.
Xena casually vaulted the sill, singing, "to bed the so edible bard.." It was good to be home.
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The End - 'The Unbeddable Bard' - by
Ikarias